Sunday, July 12, 2015

Crying is Not a Sign of Weakness!


Eileen Gonzalez - Life According to Me
Crying is not Weakness!

I have come to understand why I saw crying as weakness.  Now, my reason does not hold up as the absolute truth in life yet it has been how I chose to view it for most of my adult life. 

You see, I stopped trusting people…..I expected the worse.  I expected to be abandoned, to be not loved and to have to do things for myself.   Of course, it was not always that way as this became my truth as a young adult.  I did not realize it then but I was in survival mode every day, not survival from abuse but from a deep loneliness. I was trying to figure out life with all the pressures that came with life and with others creating chaos for me to clean up.


It felt as if I had no voice; I did not think I could change me or anything thus I lived in a vicious cycle in which the mistakes we / I made were repeated over and over again.

So what did I do?  I toughened up.  But how did I do it?  I shut myself down…..I kept people at bay, protecting myself from feeling.  Did it work?  Well for a while I thought it did and in fact while married it was probably the best way to cope.  Yet once I was on my own, not so much.   You see, I was still protecting myself from all the same things but from whom?  I was shut down to feeling but who was I keeping out?  Actually I was keeping myself out of discovering, of learning how to feel, how to give the best of me.  The funny thing is that I was very good at giving the best of me in a professional way…..my failure was in my personal life.  To me being a professional came easy and I felt safe which was not true when it come to me as a woman.

I have come to learn that crying is not weakness but it makes us stronger.  You see it allows us to connect, to react to feel and to come to term with our emotions, with what we want and need.  It allows us to cleanse the soul and in some crazy way it allows us to pick ourselves up and just be.

I am taking baby steps when it comes to vulnerability as you can see from these words…..vulnerability was not a word in my vocabulary but slowly I am learning that we need to be OK with such feelings.  We need to learn how to feel because that is how we discover our true self. 

No comments:

Post a Comment