Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Accountability: We are accountable for what we do or what we fail to do!

Before my journey of self-improvement I made tons of mistakes. It's been over 6½ years since my journey
began yet I am still dealing with "residual effects". I know better and I know that life can only get better, therefore I push forward in life. However I know that mistakes that I made or mistakes that I allowed by not speaking up and defending those I loved will never be forgotten. You see when we make mistakes we not only hurt ourselves we hurt others and although we can be forgiven those lingering effects will resurface causing pain time and time again.

I have granted myself forgiveness and I have learned from my mistakes and in some way I have found peace. Yet when I look into the eyes of those that I hurt and those that are affected by my past, I feel regret. I don't feel regret for myself as I have to deal with my issues and I can do it, but I feel regret for having dragged others with me.

As I think about this I think of those that were with me at the moment of such mistakes, and I see how they took no responsibility for such mistakes allowing me to bear the burden and weight of it all. I look into this person's eyes and see no remorse, no accountability, no concern. Yet even though I seek none of this for myself, I wish this person acknowledged what his actions did to my family. I wish that instead of the attitude of "this is not my problem", he accepted his role and tried to help in some way. Yet, I have learned you can't teach "accountability, consideration, responsibility, love" you need to feel those things in your heart, you need to know better.....be a bigger person.

I was looking into this person's eyes and felt that disconnect and sadness came over me because I had done this to myself. I chose to hold on for so many years, I chose to fight for something that was really not there, I chose to take on the blame knowing he would not do the same while here I am, facing the residual effects of our mistakes ALONE, yet ALONE is how I spent those 22 years.

I will never be able to take back the pain I caused my parents, I will never be able to say I am sorry from the bottom of my heart, and I will never be able to fix the damage caused, but yet I will do whatever I can to try to make up for it because I am accountable, and I am responsible and I know I messed up.

I share this with you because my life is an open book, I share this because in life we make mistakes but we must choose to not give up. In life we have to fight for what is right, learn to forgive ourselves and promise to be better. You can't change the past and you can't remove the hurt, but you can learn from it and you can become stronger.

If you can relate to this, understand that we can't hold on to the resentments of how others behaved or impacted our lives, we can only remember that GOD is in control and in time everything will be made right.

We are all accountable by acting or by failing to act!

Monday, July 15, 2013

We all Deserve better!

November 16, 2011

That was the date I founded this page. I remember that day well because it was my sisters anniversary date and I was in my room debating if to start the page or not. Thoughts ran through my mind, "Will anyone be interested?, Will they care of what I have to say?, Can I grab their attention?, Can I help anyone?"

I did not have the answers to any of this. I was afraid, shy and most of all BROKEN. Yet I had just found hope and I felt I owed a favor to my God. I felt that I needed to pass on the hope, the light he had given me through his mercy. I knew I was not the smartest person, the best qualified but I knew I would let God use my thoughts, my words, my hands, my laptop, this page to get to those who needed the message of hope.

Connecting with you not only served to connect and share, but it did something bigger, it allowed me to heal my broken heart. It allowed me to continue to get stronger. You see I was ashamed of my mistakes, I felt lonely, and I felt my mistakes defined me as a person. I felt that my mistakes would never allow me to move toward better. Yet God was merciful with me when I was weak in faith. He showed me a glimpse of light and I dared to believe that the light could lead me out of my darkness. I did not know what else lurked in that darkness but I knew I had to let that little faith pull me through.

November 16,2011 It had been exactly 3½ years from when I knew I had to change to when I finally understood I needed to change. You see its not the same thing to know vs. understand. I know I should not text while driving, when I understand the consequences I will not text while driving.........see my point.

Today is July 15th 2013 and I look at my life and how far I have come from that day. I can remember the
Change leads to Transformation
pain, yet it does not hurt me. I can remember the loneliness yet I am not alone, I remember the fear yet I am not afraid. Today I stand strong......I know what I want and where I am going. I am not afraid to make mistakes. I am here to live, to live life according to me. You see some of you might find those words harsh, "Life According to Me" yet don't be mistaken, living life my way is how God intended. Why? Because I found my voice, I found my strength, I found my courage, but I found it all because I found my GOD. Living Life According to Me means living the life I was meant to live, fulfilling my purpose, becoming the best version of myself so that I can give the very best of me to others.

Life According to Me is not about being selfish, or breaking rules....it is about knowing, understanding that God created me for more and that by taking control of my life, ,my thoughts, my words, my actions I give way to Gods blessings in me.

Understanding was just the tip of the iceberg. So many of you ask me how to get started or you feel that I am strong and you are not. That is far from the truth. You see I was right where you are.....it does not matter if you are in India, Egypt, California or Australia etc.......we all want better....we all want to achieve our personal dreams. It doe not matter where we are from we have the right to choose our lives, understanding of course the differences in culture, you should still be able to get clear on what you want and define your life. That is your basic right! However once we get clear on what we want, its not enough to simply wish for things to happen, we need to be willing to make things happen. We need to believe that we are capable and deserving. Which brings the word "deserving" to light. So many people still have a problem with that word. It implies "entitlement". Guess what? It doesn't....it just means you deserve to live the life you were meant to live, YOUR LIFE!  We at times are afraid to ask, afraid to seem like we want more. We are so quick to classify things as greed, etc.

I have learned in this journey....that my biggest limitation in my entire life was my thinking. It was believing I did not deserve more, that I was meant for less and that I needed to be content with that. I believed I had an invisible cap that kept me from growing or excelling further than I had. I had reached that invisible ceiling and from their on I would fight to maintain or watch it diminish. Such negative thinking...yet that is how I lived.

Now I look back and I see that as bad behavior. I must admit, being on this journey does not mean I do not feel fear, I sure do!, however I choose to move forward despite the fear. My attitude now is get clear and do it. I am not here to be defined by others, or challenged by others......I am here to define myself and to push myself toward where I want to go. I am here to become the best version of me and to do so with love and respect to all those that allow me to participate in their lives.

I am not where I need to be but I am well on my way. I live in the fire just like many of you, day by day making choices, hoping for good, however I know I can't just hope for things I have to be wiling to make them happen.

God bless you All! and to those that do not believe in my God....I still wish you the very best because you deserve happiness, just like we that believe deserve. Let's dare to create our lives....lets do it because we DESERVE it!

Saturday, July 13, 2013

Change Happens!

Have you ever noticed how one day you can react to something in one way and the next react to the same event entirely different?

Have you ever noticed how you can feel strongly for one thing then something happens and your feeling are not the same? - It could be relationships, situations, topics, social - you name it

Have you ever noticed how are bodies develop and what once was is no longer, could be better, could be worse?

Change happens with or without our consent. We can wish it away, yet change is happening and will happen at the right time. Maybe not YOUR time, yet it will happen we are ready or not.

Therefore if Change is going to come our way, why are we fighting it? If change is inevitable, then why are we so reluctant to it? If there is no way to hide from change why do we refuse to do our part?

The biggest reason is FEAR.
  • We are afraid of the unknown. 
  • We are afraid of trying something new and not being as good as we were. 
  • We are afraid that with change we are no longer needed. 
Change is guaranteed in our lives, therefore its time we embrace it.

It's time we don't just sit around wondering "if" or "when" and go out and seek out Change.
Get ahead of the game....CHANGE ON PURPOSE.

 - Eileen Gonzalez

Sunday, July 7, 2013

Your Biggest Competitor!

Your biggest competitor is your OLD self.
Keep your eye on the ball, your old self is up to it's old tricks!
- Eileen Gonzalez

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

End of a Marriage!

It is sad to a see a marriage end, yet the end of a marriage is the end of a journey......When one journey ends we embark on a new one. When 2013 began I had no idea I would be going down this path, but it happened. One day I opened my eyes and I realized I had lied to myself and had settled for less than I deserved. But I am no victim as I know in my heart my husband needed someone better as well. He deserves to find happiness, bliss just like I do. This marriage did not fall apart due to one being evil, it fell apart because we were just not the perfect match. On July 7th I would had celebrated 23 years - seems like a lifetime, yet the relationship was not there to save. I walk away with this, being thankful for the years of hard work he gave his family, for the two beautiful children we made together and I walk away knowing we are both still young to pick up our lives and find the happiness we both deserve.

I know what I want, I know where I am headed and I know what I will give when the time is right.

If you are going through a divorce, know that life does not end with divorce. When one door closes another will open. We should never resort to divorce without trying to save our marriage, but we can't live a lie......we can't hold on to something that is not there.

If you are going through a divorce, push aside the pain, walk away with gratitude for the good that once was shared and be grateful for both now have the opportunity to start again.

God bless you all........and keep your head held high for good things are on the way!

Picture below shows comparison from wedding date July 7th 1990 and Present time!

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Change can be Challenging - We can Help

Are you trying to change yet keep falling back into old habits?
Are you trying to get clear on what you want yet keep struggling with old beliefs?
You don't have to do this alone!

We can help. http://www.lifeaccordingtome.net/p/we-can-help.html
email:  lifeaccordtome@optonline.net

Oops they used the "C" word

Life is perfect, I have been working at my job for what seems to be an eternity. I know where everything is, who to speak to, where to go when something needs to get done. Everything is in order just how I like it. Then one day, something strange is in the air. They are asking me to do something new, try something different. What's this, "think outside the box?" What is going on here? I don't need to think outside of the box, life is perfect, I know my stuff, I know how to get it done, Why fix what ain't broke?

How many times have we seen this mentality? People tend to be OK with change as long as change does not impact their way of life. They have gotten so used to doing things in their own way that they can't accept or understand the need for change.

Let's think of Change, change is present at all times. From the moment we are conceived in the womb we are in constant change, in development. Change is not always a choice its more of a process. Change not only happens in our lives, our way of thinking, our emotions, our physical development, it also happens outside of us. We change in accordance to our age and to our needs. Look back through your child hood pictures and think of each phase in your life. Observe the changes in your children, grandchildren. Change is evident and inevitable. So if change is inevitable, if it is expected to happen, why do we rebel against it? Why do we fear change?

Could it be that we don't fear "Change" itself, instead fear the "Unknown"?
  • Can I learn something new? 
  • Will I be able to perform at the same level? 
  • Will I have to compete with people of less experience? 
  • Will I be succeed? 
  • Why is the change needed now? 
  • What are they trying to achieve? 
  • Is my job at risk? 
If we knew for a fact that we can succeed and that life will be better for US, we would tackle change in a heartbeat; yet their is the "unknown". If we could only understand their thinking and explain to them that there is no need to change what has been working for so long, life would be perfect.

Let's face it, change is bound to happen in EVERY aspect of our lives. We are built to think, find better
ways of doing things, improving our productivity, aim for more. Not only do we see this in children, we see this in marriage. You see a couple come together, slowly drift apart, separate. Why?, well it's not always due to "not getting along", it is sometimes from growing apart. Our vision in life changes, what we wanted is not in line with what we now want. At the work place, we went from paper trail to computer files. The goal is to be lean in the workplace, eliminate the 7 areas of waste which will in turn help them become stronger, more effective.

Therefore if we begin to understand that Change is a MUST in our lives and in the work place, then we need to start looking inward and work with ourselves. We as individuals should seek change. We should not wait for change to be mandated. We should look for constant self-improvement, development of new skills, sharpen old skills. We need to understand that what we knew is no longer current, therefore constant learning is in order. If we are to be the best in every way, then we need to be ready to change.

Fear of change is not about change, its about lack of confidence in our ability to change. Lack of trust in our ability to move forward, be flexible, compete. If we understand that we are in constant change, then we can open our minds and embrace change as a necessary part of life and essential to us becoming the best version of ourselves.

Next time you hear the "C" word, don't freak out!.....Instead welcome "CHANGE", be a cheerleader in the face of change and inspire / motivate yourself and others to see the opportunity that comes from change.