Sunday, April 3, 2016

Feeling lonely. maybe yes....but it beats being with the wrong person.

 Eileen Gonzalez - Life According to Me
I did not know I was lonely until others told me I was.

As odd as that may sound it is the truth.  I was in a alone in my marriage, I made all the decisions alone, I dealt with stress alone and cleaned up the mess alone.  I was so alone that I even decided to divorce alone.  If that makes any sense!   I craved actual alone moments because in those moments I wasn't lonely, silence was expected.

So I lived that way and I adapted.  I never thought of feeling lonely on the contrary I craved having alone moments to myself.   But after the divorce, 2 years to m be exact, those around me did not want me to be lonely.  They saw what I didn't and that was I had no share with.  So they made it a point to open my eyes to this sad reality......."I was alone".

OK, so now that you made me realize this, now what? Now what do I do with this loneliness?  Well, that's when things really got complicated.  You see I am really good at connecting in a professional way, really bad at mingling with the opposite sex in a "interested way".  Oh boy, I was so out of my comfort zone.   Now that I think of it, I was always this way.  My ex husband pursued me in high-school even after me rejecting him for some time.  He was committed to dating me and finally I accepted.  If not, who knows if I would have met someone as I was not too comfortable in my own skin.

Two years after my divorce and feeling happy alone, now I am entering the "wanting a relationship" status.  Was I ready?  NOPE!  Although I had no idea of how much I was not ready for this.  Well, meeting men in my 40's was not easy.  Many men as I think women are taking a vacation from the responsibilities from the past and simply want fun.  Not this lady.......I don't do fun!  To me fun is taking long drives, walking on the beach, going to the movies or hanging out with friends.   That is my idea of fun. Sex in the City lifestyle is not my idea of a great night, it simply is not!  To me its about trust.....the circle of trust in which those I connect with can enter.

The more men I met, the more disappointed I was, and honestly I was not sure if the problem was them or me.  It's hard when you set your mind on a vision and no one is aligned to it.  So, let me tell
you with all honesty, this "Lonely" feeling has probably been the most challenging time of my life.

But as I am writing this message, this is what I have learned........Having a vision in my mind of what I want is exactly how it should be and the problem is not them and it's not me.  The problem is on who I am connecting with. You see, if you stick to your vision, you will in time find the person who matches that vision but when you rush, you connect with everyone.

Let's think of it this way......If you want a car and you have no idea, all you know is that it has to have an engine, wheels and seats.....then you will go about to every dealership or every corner there is a car for sale.  You will look around and as you view and inspect you will decide if yes, no or maybe.
But when you know the type of car you want and why, you go straight to the dealership that offer that which you want.  You are not second guessing, you already have the vision and the understanding of that which you want and when you find it the connection is there.

I know a relationship is not the same as buying a car, but I am sure you can understand the message in this example.   I am feeling lonely because I have not found what I want, yet it is important to be clear on what exactly I want and only then will I find it.

Loneliness is an emotion and one can be surrounded by many people yet feel lonely, I know this well and that is something I do not want to feel again.  Therefore I choose to say, "I am not really lonely, I am just alone.  I am alone by choice because one day, I understood that it was better to be alone that to be in the wrong company.  It was better to be on my own, if I was the only one to call the shots. I will choose to be alone until a good man infiltrates my circle and alone becomes a thing of the past"

Thursday, March 24, 2016

Nervous At The Thought of Interviewing!

Are you nervous about your Interview? 

No need……the interviewer does not know anything about you other than what he or she is reading. 
Therefore, be prepared and be calm.

Before you go to your interview do the following:
  • Research the company, but if you don’t, don’t lie about it.  Choose to be honest!
  • Have two copies of your resume, one for the interviewer and one for you as reference.
  • Review your resume and be prepared to add some information not mentioned on the CV
  • Have several questions for the interviewer; your goal here is to learn about the job, the
    company and Managers style. The more you know the better informed you are to make
    a decision.

While at the interview:
  • Sit straight, make yourself comfortable and have your resume, note pad and pen ready.
  • Answer all the questions as clearly as possible, remember your responses are adding or explaining the resume.   If you don’t understand the question, simply ask them to clarify.  You’re human, so relax!
  • Take notes, its OK to ask them to elaborate on their question or answer 
  • Do not leave without knowing the next steps, will there be follow up interview or will they contact you to let you know status of employment. 
  • If not offered, ask for the business card.  You will want to send a thank you note.

I find that we need to think of interviews as a shopping experience.  We just as they are looking for the right fit, therefore when you are asking questions and listening to them you must be able to envision yourself working for them.  Do you want to spend 8 hours a day working there?

Interviews are nothing more than an open dialogue in which both the employer and the employee can determine if there what is being offered is a right fit.  The employer is offering a job with perks and you are offering your skills, commitment and experience.  The employer may feel you are a good fit, yet you may feel the job or perks does not meet your requirements.  The same with the may feel it is a good fit for you, yet the employer may feel that your experience is not aligned with their immediate need.  Therefore its not about rejection, its about Fit.

Makes sense?


So an Alien was looking down at earth, contemplating from a distance. He watched the colors of our skies, the beauty of our oceans and simply thought, "Earth was beautiful". He then got closer, zoomed in, he saw what seemed to be earthlings in the forms of humans and animals. He was very observative, and continued contemplating our way of life. He saw a few things that were interesting and odd. He watched as animals took care of their own, protected, fed and cared for. He saw how smaller animals, those we call pets, loved their masters, their human families and protected them even with their lives. But then he zoomed in closer as he could not understand what he saw.......

He saw Humans from a distance, they all seemed the same. Some taller, some shorter, some heavier and some lighter. Some were black, and some were white..... oh wait, he thought, "Humans come in every color, shape and size....yet from a distance they all seem alike". As he zoomed in he realized, humans were divisive, they called each other names, they placed labels on each other and caused pain and discord. There were some Humans that shared love and compassion, the same kind of love he had seen from the other earthlings.....but the lack of love and hurt was loud and prominent. He thought, "How can a beautiful planet so rich with gifts for these earthlings be taken for granted by its tenants.......why can the Humans who rule this planet share less love than their animal friends?  Why?

Listen to the audio:

Thursday, March 17, 2016

Living Within Our Means!

Let's face it, money is a necessity. If we want to eat, we need money, if we want shelter, we need money, if we want to clothe our body, we need money and let's not forget if we want to stay healthy, we need money.   We can love it or hate it but the truth is money is a necessity tool for life.

OK, so let's not get caught up on how elusive money may be at times or how quickly it leaves our bank accounts.  I want to focus your attention on what we can do when dealing with little money.  First let's look at our lifestyles and figure out what are we spending on which we really could do without.

Oh, I know, you may think you need everything you have and in some way it may be true....however is it an absolute necessity?.   Let me share with you my experience.

My Ex-husband and I both made good money, we fell in the higher end of the middle class income; however we were always broke.  How could that be?  Well, the truth is that we wanted to live a life that we could not afford.  We wanted to do more than our money would allow us to, so what happened?  We were struggling to meet our responsibilities.  Now, you might not be in that situation however I learned so much from my divorce.   You see, when I was married and making that kind of money, I was always broke. But when when I divorced I also lost my job and made a bad choice, I let my soon to be Ex to convince me to not pursue him on child support, he would instead simply help when needed.  Well, you can imagine how that went!  I spent an entire year without work, 6 months with unemployment benefits and 6 months with nothing at all.  My daughter who was in High-school, worked in Burger King part time and the little money she made and with the little money I was able to get from child support was used for us to stay afloat.  So you can imagine how creative we needed to be.  I learned to use a little bit of money to pay bills, buy food and get by.  

A year later, I found a good job however I was making 16k dollars less for more work.  Well, I am not going to complain as I was thankful to be working. But this is what I came to realize.  I found that I had more with less.  My income was more than enough for me to provide for me and my daughter, have a wonderful apartment, nice furniture and my fridge and pantry was always full.  I was able to extend my hand to others and I was able to go to the movies and out to eat with friends.   So how was it possible that I could not do that when we were making more....lots more?

Simple, I was no longer living outside my means.  I had learned to have what I need and spend money wisely.  Yes, I have cable and I pay a premium I need it? No, but my daughter likes it.  However that is the only expense I have which I don't need.  Everything else that I have has a purpose.  I have one credit card and I keep it low.  Everything I have is mine and I do not get into a debt unless I am certain I can pay it off and plan an exit date.

So, now I ask you, from all your expenses, which expenses can you eliminate or reduce?

How many times do you eat out?   I am not saying to eliminate eating out, but maybe you reduce the amount of times and put that money aside.

How much do you pay for Cable, Dish or Directv?  What program do you really need and what are your options?  You should pay for what you need, therefore if you have no time for movies, you don't need the movie channel.

How much are you paying for memberships?  Let's face it, if you are going to the gym, then by all means you are investing in yourself.  But if you are paying for a membership and not going to the gym, then you are just giving money it.

Go through all your expenses and call your providers.......have them go over your account with you, you may find things you can cut out of your bill, saving you money.   I called my phone carrier and when they reviewed my account between data and other things, I was able to save over 50.00 a month.  I did a happy dance when they told much can you be saving?

I am not here to tell you that you need to stop enjoying what you enjoy, or live as you do.  But if you are strapped for cash, you might be able to free some up by following these suggestions.    This can help provide some breathing room.  Like I said, I learned to do more with less and feel better for it.

Now lets talk about goals and lack of money.   We set up goals in order to improve our lives but then we find ourselves struggling to pay bills and there is little to no money to explore our options.   Yes, this is a sad truth but its not the ultimate truth.  Part of our goals is researching our options.

Get clear on what you want to achieve and WHY?   You must have a clear mental picture of what you want and understand why your life would benefit from achieving such.

What does this goal require?   This is where you need to identify how much time, money, skills or tools you need.  When we say "tools" this can be tangible or intangible tools, such as training, information, etc.

When do you want this goal achieved by?   If we don't set a timeline we will never get close to achieving our goals.  Yes, we may miss our dates, however since we can measure our progress we  can re-focus our attention and modify our time lines as needed.

 "If you fail to plan, you plan to fail" - Benjamin Franklin here we are, we need to answer these questions as honestly as possible and with it comes research.  Answering these questions, cost you no money.  Researching your options via the Web, Library or by reaching out to those that do what you want, costs you no money.  In fact, by researching your options and taking notes from those who've gone before us, you will learn things you did not know existed or were possible.

Once you have done research, you will know what other steps you can take that cost you no money. But something else will happen.  As you submerge yourself into this goal, you will begin to find ways of saving some money that can be applied towards working toward this goal.  You will be motivated to freeing up cash and reallocating it to improving your life.  Which if you think of it means you go from spending money to investing it.  Because anything you do for you growth is an investment in you.

How much do you need for your goal?  We can't just say, "more than I have".  Again I the research, it may be more than you have but less than you thought.  It may be more than you have, but you may find that finding the cash for this is doable.  Bottom line, if you don't do the research you will never know and if you don't free up your cash from that which you don't need, you won't have the cash to use for that which you do!

To Help is To Understand

In my personal development I remember hearing someone pose a question. "Can a Coach, help others if they are facing challenges?" I immediately knew the answer but I was curious to hear the official response.

If we were perfect, if were spared from pain and setbacks, we would have no compassion and understanding for those that need. If everything we touched turned to GOLD, then we would not understand the need to work hard, and sacrifice time. If we laughed all the time then we would not understand and feel the sadness of others.

A true coach will have felt the pain and overcome. He or She will have fallen hard and chosen to rise higher even if bruised and confused. He or She will have known fear, heartbreak, failure and ridicule. They will have made mistakes, and chosen to learn from them.

·                     I can't coach, if I can't feel. I can't find you, if I haven't been lost. 
·                     I can't help you find light, if I haven't walked in darkness.

What good is a coach to you if he or she can't connect with you? We can find many wonderful coaches; mentors who can help many yet not help you. Why?  Simple, because there has to be a connection, a trust. If I can trust you understand my pain, I will open up. If I can feel your empathy, I will share my story. If I can see you've overcome your challenges, I will let you guide me.

Why do so many of us buy books, videos, and audiotapes, only to stash them aside and never hear from them again? Because of the lack of connection! I will be very honest with you, I felt drawn to helping others from my moment of darkness. It was not because of a degree, it was because of something I found in my darkness. You see I felt hope when I was giving up. I saw light when I was lost in darkness and I felt strength when I was beyond broken. I did not deserve to be rescued over others. In fact, a couple of weeks of me having found my way, a friend of my Ex-husband committed suicide. He shot himself due to the same issues I was facing. I felt in my heart that I had to share hope with others. Does this make sense? A true coach is not that one that glorifies himself of all of his or her accomplishments.....although please don’t get me wrong, that is something to be recognized and applauded. But a true coach is he or she that is led by their humanity to help others find their way toward better.

What is that better I refer too? You tell me! Because better to me might not be in alignment with what you want. You may not be interested in anything I care about and that is OK. You see each of us has a role in life, a purpose to fulfill. And each of when fulfilling our purpose make for a beautiful life.

If you can't afford a coach, remember that there is a Mentor, Coach, Nurturer and Restorer closer than you realize........that COACH is GOD......He has never turned his attention away from you, never moved too far. It has been us out of fear and despair that focused our eyes on darkness and took steps away from his grace. But if you find you want help from someone there are many Coaches out there including myself who would like to help you in your journey to a better you, according to you. 

Choose Gratitude!

We are constantly choosing no matter if we are aware of it or not. This is why we must be present in mind so that we are clear on what our eyes see, our ears hear and to understand what we are feeling at a given moment. We tend to get so caught up in our day and at some point we stop focusing on what truly matters to us and cave in to the emotions of that which surrounds us. "Oh man, this is too hard, I don't know if I can do this, I don't think I can". "Why are they always asking more of me?, Can't they just let me do my own thing?" Sound familiar?

We forget as to why we come to work, the value of the income in our lives and we begin to curse it. We forget the value of our car, in the condition it is taking us from point A to B, so we begin to curse it. We forget the value of a hug from a friend or loved one, so we begin to take it for granted. If we could just be present in the moment we would realize that we are making choices that make or break us. We don't have to verbally tell someone to leave, we just have to take away its value. We don't have to say we want to be unemployed, we just have to hate being there. We don't have break our car, we just have to treat it as junk.  We are faced with choices each day, so make your most important choice, GRATITUDE.

Choose to be grateful everyday, at the specific moment, in the specific place you currently are........because it is in this moment you make your next choice. Live a life of Gratitude and you
will begin to attract better and move toward better.

Tuesday, March 15, 2016

Something New!

Surprise Yourself

I recognize that throughout my school years, I was not the best of students. In fact, although I enjoy reading, I need to focus and sometimes re-read a passage to better understand the message.  I've always been that way.  As a young adult I was able to achieve a 3.8 score, but that came from burying myself in the books.  I busted my ass for that grade, getting good grades did not come natural to me.  Language be it Spanish or English was not my favorite subject, thus you can imagine how well I did with grammar.   I speak fast and sometimes my mind seems to be speeding even faster than my mouth, so I have to calm myself down in order to clearly communicate my thoughts.   So how am I writing?  Well my apologies to all those professional writers who can teach me a thing or two in this subject.  However when I decided to begin writing it was because I felt I could communicate better through the written word rather than in speaking.  I felt that by writing I would be able to control the speed of my mind and be able to convey the message in the most effective way. So one day, I began writing and trust me when I say, I was quickly reminded by some on my lack of skill.  Some came to my page and attempted to ridicule me while others, well others simply needed to point out my mistakes.   At first it bothered me, but soon after I realized, I could learn from these corrections.   After all I was not looking to enroll in a writing course, I simply wanted to speak, I wanted to communicate with you.  I wanted to share a message of hope,  a message of light.  I wanted to let you know that no matter how hard this moment may be, that it would not last forever, thus something better would come your way.   I believe in this message because it saved my life, and I feel that it is my responsibility to share this message of hope with everyone who wants to read my words.

Imagine if I would have allowed my lack of writing skill to keep me from communicating?   Imagine how sad it would be for me to keep this message to myself for fear of ridicule?  On the contrary, the choice of trying something new, served me as the best type of education.  I am not the best writer, I don't have the best vocabulary, however I have lots of love to share and communicate with you.

Trying something new was essential for me, because not only did I learn to do what I wanted but I also learned that I was capable of doing more than I thought.  I learned to expose myself and accepting criticism and using it as a teachable moment.  But most of all, this has given me the tools that I needed to stand before you and tell you without hesitation, that if you want to try something you need to be willing to simply do it.  Fear comes in many forms, it can be that nagging voice telling you that you are not smart enough, it can come in visions of ridicule, it can come to you as thoughts of failure.  Its not the same thing to fear something that can harm you from something that can just hurt your feelings.  If our greatest fear is getting our feelings hurt then we need to understand that we are stronger and tougher than those feelings.  Those feelings are just a temporary response to something.......yet we can use those feelings in two ways.  We can choose to use the feelings as a catalyst toward growth, or we can choose to use those feelings as a form of limitation, we choose!

When I first started my page, I was plagued with fear.  I was unsure if I could capture any one's interest, I was fearful of being ridiculed and I was not sure about myself in general.  Was my message enough or strong enough to help anyone?  But despite those thoughts of fear I chose to move on. The desire to communicate this message of hope was greater than the thoughts of fear.

What are you wanting to try?
What is keeping you from trying?
If you didn't care of what others said, what would you be willing to try right now?

That last one is probably the most important question because many times we don't try because
we are too afraid about what others will say.   Look, on my page I have heard it all, from being sent to hell, to being told not to show my ugly face, and ridiculed due to my weight.  Some people have no problem being cruel behind the safety of their computers.   But "who cares?"   How can the comments of others truly affect me?  The truth is they can't.  I went from wanting everyone to love me and follow my page to understanding that only those that need to hear this message will be attracted to it; and that is how it should be.   I just like you, am to reach the people that are to read my words and it has nothing to do with me.   It has to do with our paths being intended to connect; be it for a moment or a lifetime.  Think about it, over 8 billion people on social media and I will probably never connect with all of them.....but out of that huge population, the ones that need the message will find their way to my page.

We can't focus on those that don't connect or like us, we need to focus on the intent behind that which we want to do.

Why do you want to do this?
How will your life change?
How will this thing you do impact the lives of others?

We need to be clear on what we want and why we want it, because this understanding is what will
help us stay the course.  We will feel fear, we will wonder if we are on track, we will second guess ourselves, all of this is natural, however none of it is intended to stop us.  Remember what I said, "I learned to accept the criticism as a teachable moment". This is true with all those challenges, set backs and moments of doubt.  We are being taught on how to do that which we want to do.

How do we decipher what we truly want from all the random ideas that come to mind?  Let's think of these ideas as part of huge puzzle.  Some ideas are really part of another, but they appear as small glimpses. Write them down, don't discard anything.  The thing you want to do the most is that thought that nags at you the most, its probably been with you for years and if not its simply loudly calling out for attention.   Do you know what that is?   Write it down.

Once you pin point that thing you would really like to do, try to see how the random ideas tie in.  I have two boards in my room, and yes both have notes.  In fact today, my daughter told me she wanted one as she needed to organize her thoughts.  But getting back to these ideas, writing them down allows you to visualize and begin to connect the dots. Remember a puzzle has many parts and when you first open the box, you have a mess of pieces before you and now you have to try to connect them. Some parts seem to belong at first, but as you look closer you realize they are not the perfect fit.  Do you throw it away?   NO!  You know that as you continue on this puzzle you will find the right place for that piece.

This is part of the nagging idea wanting to be fulfilled. It is giving you glimpses of how to get started. The problem is do we listen or ignore?  If we give in to fear we will ignore but that nagging idea will continue to bother you.  This is why some of us get frustrated with life.....we want more but we don't pursue it.  We feel there is more we can do, but we are afraid to fail.  Life is a big puzzle and when we complete the puzzle of life, we will have come face to face with our purpose.

There is so much I am yet to discover about me, I love writing and I am working on my next book. There are times I too wonder what is next, and what should or could I be doing differently?  I know that I can do more, but like many;  there are times that I too entertain doubt, and become critical of myself....yet those instances are teachable moments.  Because through those moments I am forced to choose, and how I choose will provide me with the next lesson, open a door or close it.

Don't fear tying something new, because that something is tied to the person you are meant to be!