Feeling lonely. maybe yes....but it beats being with the wrong person.

I did not know I was lonely until others told me I was.

As odd as that may sound it is the truth.  I was in a alone in my marriage, I made all the decisions alone, I dealt with stress alone and cleaned up the mess alone.  I was so alone that I even decided to divorce alone.  If that makes any sense!   I craved actual alone moments because in those moments I wasn't lonely, silence was expected.

So I lived that way and I adapted.  I never thought of feeling lonely on the contrary I craved having alone moments to myself.   But after the divorce, 2 years to m be exact, those around me did not want me to be lonely.  They saw what I didn't and that was I had no share with.  So they made it a point to open my eyes to this sad reality......."I was alone".

OK, so now that you made me realize this, now what? Now what do I do with this loneliness?  Well, that's when things really got complicated.  You see I am really good at connecting in a professional way, really bad at mingling with the opposite sex in a "interested way".  Oh boy, I was so out of my comfort zone.   Now that I think of it, I was always this way.  My ex husband pursued me in high-school even after me rejecting him for some time.  He was committed to dating me and finally I accepted.  If not, who knows if I would have met someone as I was not too comfortable in my own skin.

Two years after my divorce and feeling happy alone, now I am entering the "wanting a relationship" status.  Was I ready?  NOPE!  Although I had no idea of how much I was not ready for this.  Well, meeting men in my 40's was not easy.  Many men as I think women are taking a vacation from the responsibilities from the past and simply want fun.  Not this lady.......I don't do fun!  To me fun is taking long drives, walking on the beach, going to the movies or hanging out with friends.   That is my idea of fun. Sex in the City lifestyle is not my idea of a great night, it simply is not!  To me its about trust.....the circle of trust in which those I connect with can enter.

The more men I met, the more disappointed I was, and honestly I was not sure if the problem was them or me.  It's hard when you set your mind on a vision and no one is aligned to it.  So, let me tell
you with all honesty, this "Lonely" feeling has probably been the most challenging time of my life.

But as I am writing this message, this is what I have learned........Having a vision in my mind of what I want is exactly how it should be and the problem is not them and it's not me.  The problem is on who I am connecting with. You see, if you stick to your vision, you will in time find the person who matches that vision but when you rush, you connect with everyone.

Let's think of it this way......If you want a car and you have no idea, all you know is that it has to have an engine, wheels and seats.....then you will go about to every dealership or every corner there is a car for sale.  You will look around and as you view and inspect you will decide if yes, no or maybe.
But when you know the type of car you want and why, you go straight to the dealership that offer that which you want.  You are not second guessing, you already have the vision and the understanding of that which you want and when you find it the connection is there.

I know a relationship is not the same as buying a car, but I am sure you can understand the message in this example.   I am feeling lonely because I have not found what I want, yet it is important to be clear on what exactly I want and only then will I find it.

Loneliness is an emotion and one can be surrounded by many people yet feel lonely, I know this well and that is something I do not want to feel again.  Therefore I choose to say, "I am not really lonely, I am just alone.  I am alone by choice because one day, I understood that it was better to be alone that to be in the wrong company.  It was better to be on my own, if I was the only one to call the shots. I will choose to be alone until a good man infiltrates my circle and alone becomes a thing of the past"

Nervous At The Thought of Interviewing!

Are you nervous about your Interview? 

Audio

No need……the interviewer does not know anything about you other than what he or she is reading. 
Therefore, be prepared and be calm.

Before you go to your interview do the following:

• Research the company, but if you don’t, don’t lie about it.  Choose to be honest!
• Have two copies of your resume, one for the interviewer and one for you as reference.
• Review your resume and be prepared to add some information not mentioned on the CV
• Have several questions for the interviewer; your goal here is to learn about the job, the
  company and Managers style. The more you know the better informed you are to make
  a decision.

While at the interview:

• Sit straight, make yourself comfortable and have your resume, note pad and pen ready.
• Answer all the questions as clearly as possible, remember your responses are adding or explaining the resume.   If you don’t understand the question, simply ask them to clarify.  You’re human, so relax!
• Take notes, its OK to ask them to elaborate on their question or answer 
• Do not leave without knowing the next steps, will there be follow up interview or will they contact you to let you know status of employment. 
• If not offered, ask for the business card.  You will want to send a thank you note.

I find that we need to think of interviews as a shopping experience.  We just as they are looking for the right fit, therefore when you are asking questions and listening to them you must be able to envision yourself working for them.  Do you want to spend 8 hours a day working there?

Interviews are nothing more than an open dialogue in which both the employer and the employee can determine if there what is being offered is a right fit.  The employer is offering a job with perks and you are offering your skills, commitment and experience.  The employer may feel you are a good fit, yet you may feel the job or perks does not meet your requirements.  The same with the employer....you may feel it is a good fit for you, yet the employer may feel that your experience is not aligned with their immediate need.  Therefore its not about rejection, its about Fit.

Makes sense?

Why?

So an Alien was looking down at earth, contemplating from a distance. He watched the colors of our skies, the beauty of our oceans and simply thought, "Earth was beautiful". He then got closer, zoomed in, he saw what seemed to be earthlings in the forms of humans and animals. He was very observative, and continued contemplating our way of life. He saw a few things that were interesting and odd. He watched as animals took care of their own, protected, fed and cared for. He saw how smaller animals, those we call pets, loved their masters, their human families and protected them even with their lives. But then he zoomed in closer as he could not understand what he saw.......

He saw Humans from a distance, they all seemed the same. Some taller, some shorter, some heavier and some lighter. Some were black, and some were white..... oh wait, he thought, "Humans come in every color, shape and size....yet from a distance they all seem alike". As he zoomed in he realized, humans were divisive, they called each other names, they placed labels on each other and caused pain and discord. There were some Humans that shared love and compassion, the same kind of love he had seen from the other earthlings.....but the lack of love and hurt was loud and prominent. He thought, "How can a beautiful planet so rich with gifts for these earthlings be taken for granted by its tenants.......why can the Humans who rule this planet share less love than their animal friends?  Why?

Listen to the audio: 

https://www.facebook.com/lifeaccordtome

Living Within Our Means!

Let's face it, money is a necessity. If we want to eat, we need money, if we want shelter, we need money, if we want to clothe our body, we need money and let's not forget if we want to stay healthy, we need money.   We can love it or hate it but the truth is money is a necessity tool for life.

OK, so let's not get caught up on how elusive money may be at times or how quickly it leaves our bank accounts.  I want to focus your attention on what we can do when dealing with little money.  First let's look at our lifestyles and figure out what are we spending on which we really could do without.

Oh, I know, you may think you need everything you have and in some way it may be true....however is it an absolute necessity?.   Let me share with you my experience.

My Ex-husband and I both made good money, we fell in the higher end of the middle class income; however we were always broke.  How could that be?  Well, the truth is that we wanted to live a life that we could not afford.  We wanted to do more than our money would allow us to, so what happened?  We were struggling to meet our responsibilities.  Now, you might not be in that situation however I learned so much from my divorce.   You see, when I was married and making that kind of money, I was always broke. But when when I divorced I also lost my job and made a bad choice, I let my soon to be Ex to convince me to not pursue him on child support, he would instead simply help when needed.  Well, you can imagine how that went!  I spent an entire year without work, 6 months with unemployment benefits and 6 months with nothing at all.  My daughter who was in High-school, worked in Burger King part time and the little money she made and with the little money I was able to get from child support was used for us to stay afloat.  So you can imagine how creative we needed to be.  I learned to use a little bit of money to pay bills, buy food and get by.  

A year later, I found a good job however I was making 16k dollars less for more work.  Well, I am not going to complain as I was thankful to be working. But this is what I came to realize.  I found that I had more with less.  My income was more than enough for me to provide for me and my daughter, have a wonderful apartment, nice furniture and my fridge and pantry was always full.  I was able to extend my hand to others and I was able to go to the movies and out to eat with friends.   So how was it possible that I could not do that when we were making more....lots more?

Simple, I was no longer living outside my means.  I had learned to have what I need and spend money wisely.  Yes, I have cable and I pay a premium package.....do I need it? No, but my daughter likes it.  However that is the only expense I have which I don't need.  Everything else that I have has a purpose.  I have one credit card and I keep it low.  Everything I have is mine and I do not get into a debt unless I am certain I can pay it off and plan an exit date.

So, now I ask you, from all your expenses, which expenses can you eliminate or reduce?

How many times do you eat out?   I am not saying to eliminate eating out, but maybe you reduce the amount of times and put that money aside.

How much do you pay for Cable, Dish or Directv?  What program do you really need and what are your options?  You should pay for what you need, therefore if you have no time for movies, you don't need the movie channel.

How much are you paying for memberships?  Let's face it, if you are going to the gym, then by all means you are investing in yourself.  But if you are paying for a membership and not going to the gym, then you are just giving money away.......save it.

Go through all your expenses and call your providers.......have them go over your account with you, you may find things you can cut out of your bill, saving you money.   I called my phone carrier and when they reviewed my account between data and other things, I was able to save over 50.00 a month.  I did a happy dance when they told me........how much can you be saving?

I am not here to tell you that you need to stop enjoying what you enjoy, or live as you do.  But if you are strapped for cash, you might be able to free some up by following these suggestions.    This can help provide some breathing room.  Like I said, I learned to do more with less and feel better for it.

Now lets talk about goals and lack of money.   We set up goals in order to improve our lives but then we find ourselves struggling to pay bills and there is little to no money to explore our options.   Yes, this is a sad truth but its not the ultimate truth.  Part of our goals is researching our options.

Get clear on what you want to achieve and WHY?   You must have a clear mental picture of what you want and understand why your life would benefit from achieving such.

What does this goal require?   This is where you need to identify how much time, money, skills or tools you need.  When we say "tools" this can be tangible or intangible tools, such as training, information, etc.

When do you want this goal achieved by?   If we don't set a timeline we will never get close to achieving our goals.  Yes, we may miss our dates, however since we can measure our progress we  can re-focus our attention and modify our time lines as needed.

 "If you fail to plan, you plan to fail" - Benjamin Franklin

OK..so here we are, we need to answer these questions as honestly as possible and with it comes research.  Answering these questions, cost you no money.  Researching your options via the Web, Library or by reaching out to those that do what you want, costs you no money.  In fact, by researching your options and taking notes from those who've gone before us, you will learn things you did not know existed or were possible.

Once you have done research, you will know what other steps you can take that cost you no money. But something else will happen.  As you submerge yourself into this goal, you will begin to find ways of saving some money that can be applied towards working toward this goal.  You will be motivated to freeing up cash and reallocating it to improving your life.  Which if you think of it means you go from spending money to investing it.  Because anything you do for you growth is an investment in you.

How much do you need for your goal?  We can't just say, "more than I have".  Again I stress....do the research, it may be more than you have but less than you thought.  It may be more than you have, but you may find that finding the cash for this is doable.  Bottom line, if you don't do the research you will never know and if you don't free up your cash from that which you don't need, you won't have the cash to use for that which you do!

To Help is To Understand

In my personal development I remember hearing someone pose a question. "Can a Coach, help others if they are facing challenges?" I immediately knew the answer but I was curious to hear the official response.

If we were perfect, if were spared from pain and setbacks, we would have no compassion and understanding for those that need. If everything we touched turned to GOLD, then we would not understand the need to work hard, and sacrifice time. If we laughed all the time then we would not understand and feel the sadness of others.

A true coach will have felt the pain and overcome. He or She will have fallen hard and chosen to rise higher even if bruised and confused. He or She will have known fear, heartbreak, failure and ridicule. They will have made mistakes, and chosen to learn from them.

·                     I can't coach, if I can't feel. I can't find you, if I haven't been lost. 

·                     I can't help you find light, if I haven't walked in darkness.

What good is a coach to you if he or she can't connect with you? We can find many wonderful coaches; mentors who can help many yet not help you. Why?  Simple, because there has to be a connection, a trust. If I can trust you understand my pain, I will open up. If I can feel your empathy, I will share my story. If I can see you've overcome your challenges, I will let you guide me.

Why do so many of us buy books, videos, and audiotapes, only to stash them aside and never hear from them again? Because of the lack of connection! I will be very honest with you, I felt drawn to helping others from my moment of darkness. It was not because of a degree, it was because of something I found in my darkness. You see I felt hope when I was giving up. I saw light when I was lost in darkness and I felt strength when I was beyond broken. I did not deserve to be rescued over others. In fact, a couple of weeks of me having found my way, a friend of my Ex-husband committed suicide. He shot himself due to the same issues I was facing. I felt in my heart that I had to share hope with others. Does this make sense? A true coach is not that one that glorifies himself of all of his or her accomplishments.....although please don’t get me wrong, that is something to be recognized and applauded. But a true coach is he or she that is led by their humanity to help others find their way toward better.

What is that better I refer too? You tell me! Because better to me might not be in alignment with what you want. You may not be interested in anything I care about and that is OK. You see each of us has a role in life, a purpose to fulfill. And each of when fulfilling our purpose make for a beautiful life.

If you can't afford a coach, remember that there is a Mentor, Coach, Nurturer and Restorer closer than you realize........that COACH is GOD......He has never turned his attention away from you, never moved too far. It has been us out of fear and despair that focused our eyes on darkness and took steps away from his grace. But if you find you want help from someone there are many Coaches out there including myself who would like to help you in your journey to a better you, according to you. 

Eileen Gonzalez

Choose Gratitude!

We are constantly choosing no matter if we are aware of it or not. This is why we must be present in mind so that we are clear on what our eyes see, our ears hear and to understand what we are feeling at a given moment. We tend to get so caught up in our day and at some point we stop focusing on what truly matters to us and cave in to the emotions of that which surrounds us. "Oh man, this is too hard, I don't know if I can do this, I don't think I can". "Why are they always asking more of me?, Can't they just let me do my own thing?" Sound familiar?

We forget as to why we come to work, the value of the income in our lives and we begin to curse it. We forget the value of our car, in the condition it is taking us from point A to B, so we begin to curse it. We forget the value of a hug from a friend or loved one, so we begin to take it for granted. If we could just be present in the moment we would realize that we are making choices that make or break us. We don't have to verbally tell someone to leave, we just have to take away its value. We don't have to say we want to be unemployed, we just have to hate being there. We don't have break our car, we just have to treat it as junk.  We are faced with choices each day, so make your most important choice, GRATITUDE.

Choose to be grateful everyday, at the specific moment, in the specific place you currently are........because it is in this moment you make your next choice. Live a life of Gratitude and you
will begin to attract better and move toward better.

Something New!

Surprise Yourself

I recognize that throughout my school years, I was not the best of students. In fact, although I enjoy reading, I need to focus and sometimes re-read a passage to better understand the message.  I've always been that way.  As a young adult I was able to achieve a 3.8 score, but that came from burying myself in the books.  I busted my ass for that grade, getting good grades did not come natural to me.  Language be it Spanish or English was not my favorite subject, thus you can imagine how well I did with grammar.   I speak fast and sometimes my mind seems to be speeding even faster than my mouth, so I have to calm myself down in order to clearly communicate my thoughts.   So how am I writing?  Well my apologies to all those professional writers who can teach me a thing or two in this subject.  However when I decided to begin writing it was because I felt I could communicate better through the written word rather than in speaking.  I felt that by writing I would be able to control the speed of my mind and be able to convey the message in the most effective way. So one day, I began writing and trust me when I say, I was quickly reminded by some on my lack of skill.  Some came to my page and attempted to ridicule me while others, well others simply needed to point out my mistakes.   At first it bothered me, but soon after I realized, I could learn from these corrections.   After all I was not looking to enroll in a writing course, I simply wanted to speak, I wanted to communicate with you.  I wanted to share a message of hope,  a message of light.  I wanted to let you know that no matter how hard this moment may be, that it would not last forever, thus something better would come your way.   I believe in this message because it saved my life, and I feel that it is my responsibility to share this message of hope with everyone who wants to read my words.

Imagine if I would have allowed my lack of writing skill to keep me from communicating?   Imagine how sad it would be for me to keep this message to myself for fear of ridicule?  On the contrary, the choice of trying something new, served me as the best type of education.  I am not the best writer, I don't have the best vocabulary, however I have lots of love to share and communicate with you.

Trying something new was essential for me, because not only did I learn to do what I wanted but I also learned that I was capable of doing more than I thought.  I learned to expose myself and accepting criticism and using it as a teachable moment.  But most of all, this has given me the tools that I needed to stand before you and tell you without hesitation, that if you want to try something you need to be willing to simply do it.  Fear comes in many forms, it can be that nagging voice telling you that you are not smart enough, it can come in visions of ridicule, it can come to you as thoughts of failure.  Its not the same thing to fear something that can harm you from something that can just hurt your feelings.  If our greatest fear is getting our feelings hurt then we need to understand that we are stronger and tougher than those feelings.  Those feelings are just a temporary response to something.......yet we can use those feelings in two ways.  We can choose to use the feelings as a catalyst toward growth, or we can choose to use those feelings as a form of limitation, we choose!

When I first started my page, I was plagued with fear.  I was unsure if I could capture any one's interest, I was fearful of being ridiculed and I was not sure about myself in general.  Was my message enough or strong enough to help anyone?  But despite those thoughts of fear I chose to move on. The desire to communicate this message of hope was greater than the thoughts of fear.

What are you wanting to try?
What is keeping you from trying?
If you didn't care of what others said, what would you be willing to try right now?

That last one is probably the most important question because many times we don't try because
we are too afraid about what others will say.   Look, on my page I have heard it all, from being sent to hell, to being told not to show my ugly face, and ridiculed due to my weight.  Some people have no problem being cruel behind the safety of their computers.   But "who cares?"   How can the comments of others truly affect me?  The truth is they can't.  I went from wanting everyone to love me and follow my page to understanding that only those that need to hear this message will be attracted to it; and that is how it should be.   I just like you, am to reach the people that are to read my words and it has nothing to do with me.   It has to do with our paths being intended to connect; be it for a moment or a lifetime.  Think about it, over 8 billion people on social media and I will probably never connect with all of them.....but out of that huge population, the ones that need the message will find their way to my page.

We can't focus on those that don't connect or like us, we need to focus on the intent behind that which we want to do.

Why do you want to do this?
How will your life change?
How will this thing you do impact the lives of others?

We need to be clear on what we want and why we want it, because this understanding is what will
help us stay the course.  We will feel fear, we will wonder if we are on track, we will second guess ourselves, all of this is natural, however none of it is intended to stop us.  Remember what I said, "I learned to accept the criticism as a teachable moment". This is true with all those challenges, set backs and moments of doubt.  We are being taught on how to do that which we want to do.

How do we decipher what we truly want from all the random ideas that come to mind?  Let's think of these ideas as part of huge puzzle.  Some ideas are really part of another, but they appear as small glimpses. Write them down, don't discard anything.  The thing you want to do the most is that thought that nags at you the most, its probably been with you for years and if not its simply loudly calling out for attention.   Do you know what that is?   Write it down.

Once you pin point that thing you would really like to do, try to see how the random ideas tie in.  I have two boards in my room, and yes both have notes.  In fact today, my daughter told me she wanted one as she needed to organize her thoughts.  But getting back to these ideas, writing them down allows you to visualize and begin to connect the dots. Remember a puzzle has many parts and when you first open the box, you have a mess of pieces before you and now you have to try to connect them. Some parts seem to belong at first, but as you look closer you realize they are not the perfect fit.  Do you throw it away?   NO!  You know that as you continue on this puzzle you will find the right place for that piece.

This is part of the nagging idea wanting to be fulfilled. It is giving you glimpses of how to get started. The problem is do we listen or ignore?  If we give in to fear we will ignore but that nagging idea will continue to bother you.  This is why some of us get frustrated with life.....we want more but we don't pursue it.  We feel there is more we can do, but we are afraid to fail.  Life is a big puzzle and when we complete the puzzle of life, we will have come face to face with our purpose.

There is so much I am yet to discover about me, I love writing and I am working on my next book. There are times I too wonder what is next, and what should or could I be doing differently?  I know that I can do more, but like many;  there are times that I too entertain doubt, and become critical of myself....yet those instances are teachable moments.  Because through those moments I am forced to choose, and how I choose will provide me with the next lesson, open a door or close it.

Don't fear tying something new, because that something is tied to the person you are meant to be!

You Are More Than A Broken Leaf!

You are more than a broken leaf!

You Are More Than A Broken Leaf!

This leaf is torn, and because of it being broken as it is, it may seem less beautiful and healthy. Yet the condition of this damaged leaf does not weaken the root and it does not take away the ability for the plant as a whole to delight us in its beauty and grace.

When we lose in love, friendship or even in a goal we can superficially become damaged. I say superficially because as much as our attention is on us feeling broken and damaged, the truth is that our core, our root is still strong. It takes us shifting our focus from what we see to what we truly know; which is we are better than this moment, stronger than this pain and more amazing than we feel.

You are more than a broken leaf!

Listen to this on SoundCloud

https://soundcloud.com/eileen-gonzalez-3/the-broken-leaf

Summary of the Science of Getting Rich - Wallace Wattles

CHAPTER 17

Summary of the Science of Getting Rich.

THERE is a thinking stuff from which all things are made, and which, in its original state, permeates, penetrates, and fills the interspaces of the universe.
A thought in this substance produces the thing that is imaged by the thought.
Man can form things in his thought, and by impressing his thought upon formless substance can cause the thing he thinks about to be created.
In order to do this, man must pass from the competitive to the creative mind; otherwise he cannot be in harmony with the Formless Intelligence, which is always creative and never competitive in spirit.
Man may come into full harmony with the Formless Substance by entertaining a lively and sincere gratitude for the blessings it bestows upon him. Gratitude unifies the mind of man with the intelligence of Substance, so that man's thoughts are received by the Formless. Man can remain upon the creative plane only by uniting himself with the Formless Intelligence through a deep and continuous feeling of gratitude .
Man must form a clear and definite mental image of the things he wishes to have, to do, or to become; and he must hold this mental image in his thoughts, while being deeply grateful to the Supreme that all his desires are granted to him. The man who wishes to get rich must spend his leisure hours in contemplating his Vision, and in earnest thanksgiving that the reality is being given to him. Too much stress cannot be laid on the importance of frequent contemplation of the mental image, coupled with unwavering faith and devout gratitude. This is the process by which the impression is given to the Formless, and the creative forces set in motion.
The creative energy works through the established channels of natural growth, and of the industrial and social order. All that is included in his mental image will surely be brought to the man who follows the instructions given above, and whose faith does not waver. What he wants will come to him through the ways of established trade and commerce.
In order to receive his own when it shall come to him, man must be active; and this activity can only consist in more than filling his present place. He must keep in mind the Purpose to get rich through the realization of his mental image. And he must do, every day, all that can be done that day, taking care to do each act in a successful manner. He must give to every man a use value in excess of the cash value he receives, so that each transaction makes for more life; and he must so hold the Advancing Thought that the impression of increase will be communicated to all with whom he comes in contact.
The men and women who practice the foregoing instructions will certainly get rich; and the riches they receive will be in exact proportion to the definiteness of their vision, the fixity of their purpose, the steadiness of their faith, and the depth of their gratitude.

The End

Repeat After Me.....We Can't...............

Repeat after me....."We Can't Change Others"

We can't change others.....but we can change how we receive them into our lives. We can change how their words and actions impact our lives.  I know, I know......some of you may be thinking that it is impossible to change how others words and actions impact us.  And to some level you may be right, or not. You see it is true that there is pain associated to how others treat us especially when we care for them.  However there it is also truth that when we reclaim our power and limit the impact; we take away the power from them to hurt us.  Question......wouldn't it be great to remove from them such power?  Of course it would, because they have no right to hurt us.  But how do reclaim when we can't change them?  Well, like I said we can only change us, therefore we must work with ourselves; find out why what they say and do hurts us so much.  Find why we allow their actions to hurt us.   Look, I am not referring to domestic violence or any other physical abuse and if you or someone you know is a victim of such, you need to seek immediate help.  But this message is not about abuse, its more in line with how we allow others to manipulate, talk down to us, disrespect or even embarrass us.  Yes, I know you may love them; however you must also love yourself enough to not allow anyone to treat you less than you deserve.   

I can tell you that years ago, people expected me to bend over backwards to please them even when I did not want to and I did.  But something changed the moment I began to respect and love me. Something changed the moment that people saw me standing tall and not second guessing my thoughts, words and intentions.  Those that once expected me to please everyone no longer do so. They understand that I am my own person, that I have my own ideas and visions and that I lead, not follow.

OK but again how?  Again I say, start with working on you.   Understand what is done that hurts, why you accept it and commit to yourself to demand better.  But don't focus your attention on them; instead demanding better is a requirement for all.  You are not to be treated as less, you are to be spoken to and treated with the same love as you give to them......so on that note, are you loving and caring? This would be a good time to look within and reflect on what you are giving to others as well.  You see when we know what we want in life and we give it, eventually that new way of being will be visible to others. It may take some time but how you think, speak and act will change and so will the way you carry yourself.  And once they see you walking tall and feeling assertive, how they speak and act with you will begin to change as well.

I never set out to change them....instead I changed Me. 

We can't change others but we can change ourselves and when we do, we WIN

Money Can't Buy You Happiness

Money Can't Buy You Happiness 

Seriously.......The intent of the message is true, yet don't tell that to someone who is about to lose their home, can't afford a medical treatment for themselves or a loved one or is unable to pay for their kids college education or even provide a healthy, delicious meal to their family.

Money is not the key to happiness but it does make one's life more comfortable and easier.  I have heard so many times that money is the root of all evil.  Well if that were true, then how do we explain evil among the poor?  Let's face it goodness or evil lives within us; money can only enhance what is already there. I have personally met greedy people with very little.....they hoard the little they have and are always looking to get their hands on what others have be it by taking or manipulation.  I have also seen greedy people with much who gloat about what they have, flaunt it, yet will not extend their hand to help anyone.  On the other hand you will find goodness from both the poor and the rich because the goodness is in their heart...not in their pockets.

Therefore Money is not the root of all evil......and having money will not buy you happiness.  Money is but a tool, it’s a form of exchange.  We gain it as compensation of our time and effort, and we exchange if for food, housing, clothes, etc...We exchange it for a quality of life.   If we see it as a tool, then we do not bet our happiness on it, yet we recognize its value in our lives.  We understand that with it, we can achieve the things we need, be it for ourselves or others....we are able to live a life of comfort and dignity.

When I was a little girl, I was taught to work hard, but I was not taught to expect more money.  I was taught to work for the money which would help me get by. Yet getting by is not what we should aim for because that's not truly living; and we shouldn't feel guilty for wanting more money as it's not about being greedy.  Money is but a bargaining tool!  How many shoes do you have in your closet? Do you need all those shoes?  Maybe you do, but maybe you purchased a pair of each color just for the satisfaction of having them; no judgement, as I have plenty of shoes.  Why do you store so much food in your pantry?  Well, that one is easy, because eating is essential to our survival.  Yet you might overstock your pantry to share with those in need?  Whatever your reason is, money allows you to obtain things and how you use the money is part of who you are as a person

Greed?........When I think of income, I already know how much I want to earn and its not based on greed, it’s based on need. I am clear on my expenses, needs and goals; I have a clear vision of what my life needs to look like.  Therefore when I think of income, I think of a number that will help me with my day to day living.  If I were not able to achieve that income I may not be as comfortable as I could be.  So how much do you need?  Do you know how much you need not just to get by but to thrive?

When was the last time you did an inventory of all your bills, all your needs, and all the goals you have for your life?  If you haven't done so, its time you do, because when you are clear on your situation you will be better prepared to target what you need.  You see, if we simply go about life looking for jobs we may always be making enough just to be broke and if we are broke, then we are not happy.  We can't be happy when we stress about how to pay our bills, when we can't buy what we need or when we have to say NO to our kids.   I mean come on. When was the last time you took a well-deserved vacation and not a stay-cation?  Do you realize that many people do not remember when was the last vacation they truly took and enjoyed?  It's not selfish to want to take time off, but if we are not making it part of our goals and including them as our needs we might not be able to do so.

There is no shame on wanting more money because it’s not money that we're really looking for....what we want is to live the life we were always meant to live. 

Get Ready!

http://www.eileengonzalezlifeaccordingtome.com/

You wake up ready to tackle your goals but something happens along the way.  You look around and you see a mess, your home, room or office may seem to be in disarray and then you feel unsettled.  It happens to me.  For some reason things need to be in order for me to be able to focus....so what do I do?  I organize my space....  I make sure my area looks clean, I even do my hair, put some make up as I simply want to feel like I am ready....lol

Ready for what?  Well, ready for anything.  I want to be ready to take action in a moments notice, I want to be able to look at my surroundings and be able to breathe in satisfaction.   It simply allows me to focus my attention where it belongs, on my goals for the day.

So now that I am ready, what's next?  Well I know I have some goals, but what do I need to do today to chip away at my goals?   The truth is we may be doing a lot or we may be not doing enough but in order to be clear on our progress we need to outline the tasks for today.   I find that if I look at the entire goal, I can become overwhelmed as the end result may not seem attainable soon enough. But if I focus on small tasks, I can tackle them and see progress.  You see when you can measure your progress you feel motivated to do more, and feel accomplished when your task is completed.

Ok...so as I am writing this, I know I am ready to go, my home is clean, my area is organized and I am busy working.  So what do I want to achieve today? What things do I need to do today to feel like this day was productive?   Do you know?  I know you do, so write it down.

I personally since I know I can procrastinate, I have people who will hold me accountable.  Yup, they know the goals, the timelines and they have no problem calling me out.  Yes, I need that from time to time and probably so do you.

Get ready, get organized, prepare yourself and get busy 

You got work to do!

The Problems with Envisioning More

Let me begin by declaring that the ability to envision a better future has not only been a need in my life; it’s made a huge difference. Why? Well, let me share an experience with you.

When I came out of my divorce I had no money and no credit. We closed on our house on Thursday, July 31st, 2014 as a short sale. Therefore not only did I walk away with nothing but my credit was affected for the next 3 years. I asked for the paperwork of the closing to be given to me as soon as possible and they told me I should have within the next week. I did a little begging and thankfully I received everything I needed the next day; I was thrilled. The following day, Saturday I headed to the apartment complex I wanted to call home......I was providing them with all my paperwork and crossing my fingers to get approved. They asked me to come back the next day. On that Sunday I was up and ready first thing in the morning, all my papers were in order and I already knew which apartment I wanted, I was ready! I had to believe in my heart that my lack of credit or money would not stand in my way.

That same day, within two hours I got the call...I was approved and there were two apartments ready for the taking. I went to see them but I could not see my daughter walking home in the dark of night through the woods....it was not a comforting thought. So be it that I did not like the idea of her walking through the woods and the fact I could use some time to gather money, I asked to be placed on the waiting list. I told them I would be ready by November 15th! They realtor looked at me and mentioned that people tend to move during summer or fall due to weather, so he suggested I be ready no later than November 7th....I said YES but I had requirements. I wanted an apartment with view to the parking area and I wanted it to be a corner apartment.

Every week I would visit the model home and would enter the specific model I wanted, I memorized every corner of every room; I became so familiar with it that I can see it with my eyes closed. Then I would drive to the complex in which I wanted to live and I would visit my ideal neighborhood; always gravitating to the corner apartments with view to the parking lot. I needed to feel I belonged; I needed to feel it was real. Then I began to imagine myself cooking and cleaning my apartment, remember I had memorized every corner of that apartment; it felt real. Now let me tell you why it was so important for me to envision my home......you see when I left my house my daughter had to move in with her dad....therefore for a few months we were separated and that really hurt. I needed to be home with my kid, I wanted to hear, see and know she was with me. So I made it a point to focus on my home. I would go online to see curtains; I would even go to the model home to take measurements so I that I could plan what I wanted for my new place. I was on a mission.

So why did I take all these steps? Because the problem with envisioning more is that we must believe that we can achieve, but for some of us who feel burnt in life, envisioning is hard. But think about it, when your reality sucks, your mind won't accept an image to replace what it knows; it is already convinced of its reality, it knows what it feels. So I needed to be able to walk through, to touch, and to feel. I needed to visit my future home in order to understand that this could and would become my reality. Then envisioning was not only possible, but it was essential.

I got the call and I was overjoyed....we moved in on Friday, November 7th, 2014!

Envisioning is a mind game. We do it to replace the negative thoughts produced by our bad experiences. Can everyone envision? Yes, it’s easy once we get passed the initial hurdle. If you are struggling you will need to find ways to connect to the vision.......just as I did, by visiting, measuring, walking through, I did anything I could to make this vision my reality. You need to be able to believe in your heart or you will not allow your mind to entertain it.

What do you want to bring in to your life?
If it’s a car, why not go to the dealerships, test drive, smell the interior, feel the steering wheel in your grip? You need a car, right? Well why not that one? No, I am not telling you to get yourself in debt but I am telling you that sometimes to envision we need to be able to see, touch, and feel.

Today, I can envision better but like I said it was not easy at first because my mindset was stuck in the past, in all the times that things simply did not work. Can you try this? Or better yet,

“Will you try this?”

Would You Recognize A Hero?

What does a Hero look like?   Well we know that many men and women put their lives on the line every day for perfect strangers.  Some do it as part of their job, occupation and others simply choose at a moments notice to give it all for someone in need.  

They may not intend to pay the ultimate sacrifice but at times
they do simply because they refuse to abandon the weak or
those who need the most.

But what if everyday, we walk past a hero, would we recognize them if they had no uniform?  Would we know their sacrifice if they did not share their story?  The truth is we wouldn't, yet everyday someone gives the very best of them to someone.   It can be to a loved one, to a co-worker, to someone on the bus, or someone they just happen to pass on the street.

Sometimes a smile is all they gave, yet saved the life of someone who felt invisible.  Sometimes just saying hello to a stranger as your kids roll their eyes, cause you seem to say hello to everyone, sometimes that hello, reminds someone that they are worth being acknowledged.  Holding the door for someone may tell them that they are not too fat, or too ugly or too skinny or too "whatever" to be treated as a human being.

Do you realize that everyday we have the ability to be someone's hero, we do not need to be recognized as such but to that one person who we may never see again, we may be just that,
"A Hero". You may not remember their face, yet your face will forever be in there memory...,,Why?  Because you took one moment out of your day to care.

What does a Hero look like?  What should they look like?  I don't know....but I do think a hero can look just like you.  All it takes to be a hero is to care; to care so much that you will extend your hand to that person no matter their race, color, ethnicity, height, weight.......no matter what because all you see is a person in need.   All it takes to be a hero is to intentionally give the very best of you, not because its expected but because its what you want to do.   All it takes to be a hero is to recognize that you are not just you, but you are part of something bigger....your divine essence is part of a Universe in where we are all connected and through that connection we all come together as one.  All it takes to be a hero is to recognize that you are my sister, my brother, my friend and as such, there is no divide but instead just love.

What does a Hero look like.........A Hero looks like YOU.

Our Appearance a Reflection of How We Feel!

I was just eating some mango's not out of hunger but rather than going for cookies I chose the fruit. Why?, well because I got a lot to do, much uncertainty and in some way I am stressed.
NO, I am not whining!  Hear me out....

It does not matter how good we are at controlling stress or our emotions, sometimes we get sidetracked and we fall into the madness.  We can catch ourselves quickly but sometimes we don't realize until a moment of lucidity shows up....possibly when you are eating with out being hungry. Ya know what I mean?  Sometimes we wake up and wonder, "what the heck am I doing?"

OK, so this message is not about dieting and its not about the food groups, its more about how we feel impacts our appearance.  You see if we are depressed, if we feel down we may eat more or not enough.  Some gain weight and some lose weight yet neither is done in a healthy manner.  Why is this?  Well stress triggers our hormones to go nuts and even though the hormones can help us react it can also impact how we eat and what we eat.  Have you ever been stressed and simply lost your appetite?   Have you ever reacted to stress by finding comfort food and lots of it?   We don't intentionally eat or not eat, its a reaction to the stress.  Yet when we fall into these feelings we then also begin to feel guilt of our eating habits.  Before we gain the weight we already feel it or we may feel weakness from not eating enough.  Then we see it in our clothes and again the guilt is more present than the weight change.  We carry ourselves as if wanting to hide what is visible.  We don't want anyone to recognize we lost weight or gained it because we know it was not intentional, in fact we know its tied to something we may not want to or be ready to share.

Our appearance is dependent on how we feel....its a reflection.  Why?  Because if you feel good about yourself, if you feel satisfied of your accomplishments you carry yourself with pride.  You walk tall, speak clearly and you own your step.  It does not matter if you are a little under weight or if you are overweight...your appearance is a direct reflection of how you feel.

The same happens when you feel like crap.  When you feel bad about your results, when you feel like you constantly fail or struggle, you begin to hunch a little, your voice is not as strong as you wish not to be heard and you find yourself excusing yourself or apologizing for silly things,

Does this ring true to you?  If it does.......how are you feeling right now?  When you come across strangers or a group of acquaintances how do you feel, how do you portray yourself?  Do you stand tall and speak clearly or do you find a corner you can hide in?

If  you are not feeling good about you, find why you are feeling this way.  Find what needs to happen for you to feel better, then get clear on what you are willing to commit to doing to help you get there.
Stress is a mind game, and it can kick our ass if we let it.  We can't always talk ourselves out of stress, sometimes we need help and when you do, you should have no shame in seeking a professional.  But there are times that we can do something and that becomes evident when we address our feelings.   Understand that stress is an emotion and that you are perceiving yourself according to such emotion,  Therefore what you see is not the truth of what is there.  It is important to understand this in order to stop ourselves from being cruel to ourselves, remember we can be our own worst enemy,   We can speak cruelty into our lives, we can act in ways that crush our spirit and we can create limitations that do not belong in our lives.

Our Appearance is a Reflection of How We Feel....so what are you feeling?

What About Faith?

We hear this word tossed around so much but what does it really mean?  Where can I find it and how can does it work?  Well it begins with a belief, it can be a big emotion or it can quite faint....I know that when I first found it, it felt as a thin, fragile life line which was barely present.  Yet despite how faint it was, it was strong enough to allow me to hold on for dear life.  Yet faith is not just an emotion........faith implies ACTION.

Action?  What do you mean?  Well, its easy to speak about faith, in  fact many toss it around all the time, yet when you look at their lives you do not see evidence of faith.   You see faith requires us to act, to move.  We must do it when things don't look good, when things seem to be against us.  Faith is a proclamation we make, our testimony that says that no matter how tough things get we will be tougher.   It means that no matter how uncertain the path before us may be we will continue our journey even if taking baby steps.  It means that we will not wait for things to be perfect for us to get started, we will instead get started and enjoy the perfect moments that come from giving our all.

Faith can be found in a church, sure.....yet you can also go to church and leave empty handed.  You see faith starts from within, its your personal decision to move forward...your personal acceptance that there is something greater than what you can see and you are willing and committed to connecting with it.

So yes, what about faith?  Well its not a noun, its a verb....it requires action from you.
You can speak about it but until you act upon it you do not know its meaning.   Faith is the light that shines before, its the force that guides us and its the strength that carries us.

Its time we stop talking faith.....its time we start living in faith or better yet, "Walking in Faith"

You're Fired

Are you feeling bad about being fired or let go? Well sometimes it's a gift from life forcing you back on the path toward the life you are intended to live. Follow the link below to read about 19 Successful People Who Have Been Fired.
http://www.businessinsider.com/people-who-were-fired-before-they-became-rich-and-famous-2013-10

Let's face it, being fired leaves a bad taste in our mouth....it has a way of demoralizing us.  However being fired, being laid off is sometimes a really good thing, of course after the initial shock.  At first we feel numb, uncertain of how to feel.  Then as we awaken we begin to feel emotions of sadness, anger and fear.  Questions of how we will get back on our feet, how we will meet our responsibilities, etc, plague our mind and our heart.

As bad as it may seem, we need to understand without a reasonable doubt, that in this day and age there is no such thing as job security.  I know this is a scary concept, one many do not want to accept. Yet our ability to accept it or not does not change it from being true.  There is no loyalty to you no matter how good you are.  In fact, you can bend over backwards, wear multiple hats but when push comes to shove you may be left on the street.   So what do you do?

Well, once you get past the shock you need to get clear on what you can do and this my friend is completely up to you.  I can give you ideas however you need to find something you enjoy and hopefully something you can control.  Control?

This is where some venture on their own, they join businesses, become consultants or freelancers or even open their own shop.  They will do things with an attempt to protect their future.  OK...well we've seen many fail...right?

Yes we have,, however why is that?   Well, if we run like a chicken without a head toward an opportunity we may find ourselves trying things without a connection.  And if we don't connect, we don't succeed.  This is why we need to THINK.  Yes, I said it, "think".   You see we need to find something that feels right for us, that seems like an extension of who we are.   I will give you an example.....if you told me right now that I can become a millionaire selling ads, you may get my immediate attention, however unless I enjoy it, unless I feel a sense of accomplishment I might not be committed enough to put in the time it takes to reek the profits.

Therefore we must find something we truly enjoy,  that is key especially when we are exploring new things.  Its tough out there...its not easy to start new things....but as many of you know sometimes the only option is to learn new things, to reinvent who we are and how we do things.  You see we can choose a career but we can't choose what our employers will do.  Thus as long as we work for others we are dependent of their decisions.  

Now....don't get me wrong, you can work for others for the rest of your life and be very successful in life......Good for you and more power to you.   This message is for those that are uncertain, who feel defeated at times or whom have known defeat and fear feeling it again.   If you are still working this is a great time to prepare yourself with options......you may never need them but having them handy can save you much heartache.   If you are like many who are surprised with the pink slip, understand that life has decided to push you back on track therefore don't let fear guide you, instead use it as fuel to get you moving toward where you need to be.

Your Biggest Competitor is The Old You

http://www.eileengonzalezlifeaccordingtome.com/ 

I have had weight problems all my life, in fact I was a big baby. However throughout the years I came to realize my weight fluctuated depending on my mood, my emotions. Give me a little stress and I ran for that ice cream. Weight issues were a part of my day to day. So much so, that I began to define my intelligence by my weight. When I lost weight I felt smarter, more assertive. However when I gained weight I felt clumsy, insecure and I felt that all others saw was my weight. Well that was how I saw myself and as a result I carried myself in a way that others could not see past my own emotions. I did not walk tall or proud, instead I displayed shame and insecurity. I had the luck to meet women who were as big or somewhat bigger who did not seem to allow their weight to define them. I actually have one in mind who would walk into a room and own the attention of her audience. She was big but most of all she was fabulous. She was assertive, level headed and very articulate. I admired her.......but how was it possible that she could be so confident while I wasn't? OK......so why was I allowing myself to be heavy? It was clear through my life that I could lose weight so why was it so hard to keep it off? Because I was not happy! You see at some point in my life I stopped dreaming, I gave up on pursuing better or pushing myself. I simply accepted what I knew as if it were all I could have or be. Sounds familiar? It should because too many of us get on the train to no where. We board it with low expectations and as it begins to move we lose our willingness to dream. We even get annoyed at ourselves when we catch ourselves daydreaming of better. So, one pound at a time, it kept on piling on and the more depressed I felt the more ice cream I ate. I hate saying this.....but not til my divorce did I find myself in a good place to begin losing weight. I can't blame my then husband for my weight.....I blame me. I blame me for boarding that train and to pushing my dreams away. I blame me because when I would get a sense of hope, I was quick to convince myself that I was being naive. So what have I learned? I learned that we must want more....we need to envision what we want and understand why we want it. We need to get clear on how our lives would improve upon achieving such goal and even more, we need to get clear on what it would mean NOT to achieve it. You see, without your "WHY" it will be much harder to commit to your goal. So what did losing weight mean to me? To me, losing weight meant freedom, it meant feeling empowered and it meant feeling proud of finally reaching something that felt impossible for so long. How do I do this if I've been up and down so often? I best be ready to work for it! Goals are not achieved over night and are not sustained by just reaching them. Goals require work, commitment and a belief we can move forward despite the challenges ahead of us. We must be ready for the set backs and see them as part of the learning process. If we don't learn from the past we will repeat the same mistakes that got us there. Be it losing weight, running a marathon, graduating, or finding an amazing job....whatever it is you want you must see it in your mind, believe you can achieve it and GIVE IT YOUR ALL. Set backs are not intended to stop you but as teaching moments, stay the course, you will see results. Keep moving forward and you will achieve.

• Get clear on WHY its important to you?
• Envision yourself achieving your goal
• Commit to it with all your heart
• Hold yourself accountable - be true to self even when it hurts
• Compete......not with others but with your old mindset
• Believe.....you must believe you can do more even when your goal seems far from reach
• Celebrate....everyday you work toward your goal is a day closer to achieving it, so pat yourself on the back for those steps you take even if baby steps

Don't give up on your goals......stay focused and remember your biggest competitor is the old version of you.