Accountability: We are accountable for what we do or what we fail to do!

Before my journey of self-improvement I made tons of mistakes. It's been over 6½ years since my journey

began yet I am still dealing with "residual effects". I know better and I know that life can only get better, therefore I push forward in life. However I know that mistakes that I made or mistakes that I allowed by not speaking up and defending those I loved will never be forgotten. You see when we make mistakes we not only hurt ourselves we hurt others and although we can be forgiven those lingering effects will resurface causing pain time and time again.

I have granted myself forgiveness and I have learned from my mistakes and in some way I have found peace. Yet when I look into the eyes of those that I hurt and those that are affected by my past, I feel regret. I don't feel regret for myself as I have to deal with my issues and I can do it, but I feel regret for having dragged others with me.

As I think about this I think of those that were with me at the moment of such mistakes, and I see how they took no responsibility for such mistakes allowing me to bear the burden and weight of it all. I look into this person's eyes and see no remorse, no accountability, no concern. Yet even though I seek none of this for myself, I wish this person acknowledged what his actions did to my family. I wish that instead of the attitude of "this is not my problem", he accepted his role and tried to help in some way. Yet, I have learned you can't teach "accountability, consideration, responsibility, love" you need to feel those things in your heart, you need to know better.....be a bigger person.

I was looking into this person's eyes and felt that disconnect and sadness came over me because I had done this to myself. I chose to hold on for so many years, I chose to fight for something that was really not there, I chose to take on the blame knowing he would not do the same while here I am, facing the residual effects of our mistakes ALONE, yet ALONE is how I spent those 22 years.

I will never be able to take back the pain I caused my parents, I will never be able to say I am sorry from the bottom of my heart, and I will never be able to fix the damage caused, but yet I will do whatever I can to try to make up for it because I am accountable, and I am responsible and I know I messed up.

I share this with you because my life is an open book, I share this because in life we make mistakes but we must choose to not give up. In life we have to fight for what is right, learn to forgive ourselves and promise to be better. You can't change the past and you can't remove the hurt, but you can learn from it and you can become stronger.

If you can relate to this, understand that we can't hold on to the resentments of how others behaved or impacted our lives, we can only remember that GOD is in control and in time everything will be made right.

We are all accountable by acting or by failing to act!